Fossil Hominids: Humor

Men, women, Iraq, creationism and all that heavy stuff: A humor article by Bill McClellan of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch.
April Fool!: Did Neandertals make music?
Discover magazine's 1997 April Fool's article about the discovery of Neandertal musical instruments is pretty funny. Even funnier is the fact that the Institute for Creation Research fell for it.
Fire Help Desk: Two variants of a send-up of the modern computer support help desk, where overworked staff attempt to help clueless users.
Make Spiky Clubs Fast: A send-up of the universally despised MAKE MONEY FAST post and similar pyramid scams which infest the Internet.
Letter from the Smithsonian: A fictional response from the Smithsonian to someone claiming to have found a hominid fossil.
Frank and Ernest on human evolution

Ancient Tech Support

The tech support problem dates back to long before the industrial revolution, when primitive tribesmen beat out a rhythm on drums to communicate:

This fire help. Me Groog

Me Lorto Help Fire not work

You have flint and stone?

Ugh

You hit them together?

Ugh

What happen?

Fire not work

(sigh) Make spark?

Ugh

You have tinder and kindling near spark?

Ohhhhhhhhhhh.

This fire help. Me Groog

Me Lorto. Help. Fire not work.

You have flint and stone?

Ugh

You hit them together?

Ugh

What happen?

Fire not work

(sigh) Make spark?

No spark, no fire, me confused. Fire work yesterday.

*sigh* You change rock?

I change nothing

You sure?

Me make one change. Stone hot so me soak in stream so stone not burn Lorto hand. Small change, shouldn't keep Lorto from make fire.

*Grabs club and goes to Lorto's cave*

*WHAM*WHAM*WHAM*WHAM*

Make Spiky Clubs Fast

In article <Sc4b.3cf7@clarinet.com>, Dave Hemming <surfbaud@waverider.co.uk> wrote:

Recent evidence has come to light that suggests that pyramid style chain letters may have pre-dated Dave Rhodes by a considerable margin. Palaentologists recently deciphered the following, painted on a cave wall on the slopes of Kilimanjaro.

MAKE SPIKY CLUBS FAST!!!

Hello, not-tribe-member. Urk name Urk. Many moons ago, Urk in bad way. Urk kicked out of cave by Thag. Thag bigger than Urk, Thag take Urk spiky club, Urka (Urk wo-man). Urk not able kill deer, must eat leaves, berries. Urk flee from wolves.

Today, Urk big chief. Urk have best cave, many wives, many spiky clubs. Urk tell how.

WHAT DO: make one spiky club and take to cave places below. Add own cave place to bottom of list, take cave place off top. Put new message on walls many caves. Wait. Many clubs soon come! This not crime! Urk ask shaman, gods say okay.

HERE LIST:

   1) Urk
      First cave
      Olduvai Gorge

 few) Thag (not that Thag, other Thag)
      old dead tree
      by lake shaped like mammoth

 few) Og
      big rock with overhang
      near pig game trail

Many) Zog
      river caves
      where river meet big water

Urk hope not-tribe-member do what Urk say do. That only way it work.

This page is part of the Fossil Hominids FAQ at the talk.origins Archive.